Monday, December 10, 2012

TV Clip: He Hates That She Strips!!!!



This was a fun couple! He rubs oil on the bodies of models, but he was UPSET that his girl is a stripper. I tried to help :)

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

You Can Text Yourself Out of Love!

Check out my recent article for happenmag.com about the texts that women send that scare men off.  You just might be turning him off and not even realize it. Click here for more.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

TV Clip - Sex Beds & Cheaters



I love being a relationship expert on The Bill Cunningham Show the stories are always crazy! Check out this recent clip.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Talking "Cougars" on The Intersection blis.fm

Check out this fun discussion on "Cougars" that I was part of on The Intersection with Jeff Johnson, Elsa M and special correspondent Lindsey Granger on blis.fm. It was a fun show! Check me out at the 1:20 mark.


Watch live streaming video from blisfm at livestream.com

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Men Want You to Know ....

On Wednesdays on my radio show, The Love Zone on 92Q in Baltimore, I do Love Zone School.  This week's lesson was --- Men Need Ladies to KnowClick here to check out what guys feel you should know about them.

What is "Bad Booty?"



The Game, in an interview with my radio station 92Q in Baltimore, stated that the reason Halle Berry appears to lose at love is because she has "bad booty." Now I don't know how true that is, but I know as a woman you hear guys talking about bad stuff all the time and I wanted my listeners to tell me exactly -- what is "bad booty?" Check out their responses by clicking here.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Do You Have to Claim the Step Kids?







A blogger on a gossip site went in on Jada Pinkett Smith for referring to her stepson as her "bonus kid" instead of simply as "her son" in a recent tweet.  The blogger went on to place Tiny on a pedestal for her way of saying "her kids" and not making a distinction between T.I.'s kids from a prior relationship, her daughter from a prior relationship and their children together.  This blogger seemed to feel that if you make a distinction between your biological kids and your step kids then you must be a bad step parent. 

I totally disagree with this.  I think on the surface people try to play at the whole "we are one" approach to his, mine and ours, but the truth is that it is not all the same when it comes to other people's children and your own and it takes an honest and self-actualized person to admit that while I may like or care for your kids --- I feel stronger for my own and it is not "all the same" when it comes to the step kids.


Before you jump into claiming the step kids as your own you should consider a few things:

How active is the ex in their child's life?

If biological mom/dad is active and a big part of your step kid's life, then sweeping in and being "super parent" can be offensive and highly unnecessary.  On the other side, if the biological parent is not active yet is highly respected by the child, you still can run into problems trying to fill a void.  Be the best partner to the parent and take your cues from the child on how and when to get involved.

What are your partner's expectations?

Often we assume that our partners want us to help when that may not always be the case.  Have a conversation prior to blending the family about expectations when it comes to your partner's kids.  You may be surprised at how little or how much you will be expected to contribute.

Are you going to be able to maintain this level of interest in your step kids when you have your own children with your partner?

This one is important.  You cannot come into a relationship as "super parent" and then back it down when your own children start to arrive.  Think early on about the level of energy that will have to be maintained once your own children start to arrive and try to keep things consistent.
 
and most important .... What relationship does the step kid want to have with you?

I am amazed at how many people enter into these relationships where step kids are involved and never once think about or talk to the step kids about what they want out of the whole deal.  You may be thinking that you are suppose to be a mentor or fill-in parent when really all they want is for you to make their parent happy and  be a good friend.  Take the time to define a relationship that works well on both sides.

Jada can have a bonus kid if she wants and frankly I think it is a more honest way of approaching the whole step parenting thing.  She has chosen to define her own relationship with her stepson in a way that her children have a place and he has his. The kids get the benefit of her love and encouragement in ways that as a family they have determined for themselves.  Not a forced family definition, but one that works for them. On what level can that ever be wrong??


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Monday - 10/22 - Season 2 The Bill Cunningham Show

The Bill Cunningham Show

I am back!!! So happy to be at it again as a Relationship Expert for The Bill Cunningham Show. Check me out on Monday, October 22nd nationally on your local CW affiliate. For local affiliate info visit www.thebillcunninghamshow.com.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Wyclef Has Lost His Damn Mind!



This picture was released by Wyclef to celebrate his 43rd birthday and all I can say is WTH!  I get your point brother, you are fit and probably look and feel better than you did 20 years ago, but damn. There are no women in your life or professional reps that could have stopped this oiled up display of midlife crisis.  A comment on another blog summed up general female response to the pic "we didn't love you 20 yrs ago because you were sexy, but because you made great music. Go oil up your music to rejuvenate your career and then we will get excited again!"

Look, there is nothing wrong with celebrating over 40 hotness, but over 40 hotness is strikingly different from 20 year old bravado.  Wyclef, at this age what women want to see from you is a fit and handsome man in a suit, talking about his love for his family, career success and a wonderful smile in a major magazine spread --- i.e. Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, the AllState Guy (I can't ever remember his name :)) What you are doing here is something someone far below your pay grade and career success would do on the come up trying to impress a chick he just met at the mall.

Happy Birthday Wyclef and go put some darn clothes on. I like you better that way.

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Monday, October 8, 2012

Give Rihanna a Pass



Chris Brown wants that old thing back and Rihanna seems to be letting him in.  Chris has dumped his girlfriend and is no longer creeping to see and contact Rihanna.  They are partying and hanging out happily in public and the blogs have been on fire about it. 

Ever since Rihanna admitted to Oprah that no matter what violence may have occurred in their relationship that she still loved Chris; the world has been on her about the ridiculousness of wanting to be back with someone who hurt her.  Many want her to think of her young fans and the example she is setting -- that a man who hurts you is okay.  Rihanna isn't being the best role model in this situation, but what she is being is a typical young woman.

All of us have had tumultuous, crazy or ridiculous early relationships.  Your partner may not have hit you, but he/she may have lied continuously, been verbally abusive, unreliable or many other horrible things.  No matter what this person did you took them back because no matter the destruction that person handed out they were equally good at giving you moments of happiness that it felt at that time no other person could ever provide. 

It took time and maturity to get to the point where you saw that the bad stuff was taking its toll and it was time to move on, but you had to make that decision on your own when you were ready.  You may not admit it, but I can. I was dumb for love and I stayed in a bad thing much longer than I ever should have because when you are young and in love you always "believe" that you can be the one to make the situation change.

This guy I dated was the worst (drugs, momma's boy, couldn't keep a job etc.), but he was also crazy fun, the best at making up and the best at making me feel like no other.  He would cry or threaten to hurt himself when I broke things off and I was back in it. It didn't matter what my family or friends told me to do -- I only moved on after two years because he did something that was even too ridiculous for our ridiculous relationship (full story in my book Stripped Bare). I hit my drama wall and ended it for good. Not because people thought I should end it, but because I grew up and realized that it was never going to get better and I deserved more.

So let's give Rihanna pass.  She and Chris are both young and on some level they feel that they can work through these issues and still find a happy place.  Those of us that have made it over to other side know that the odds are against them working through this complicated love, but we get where that passion and draw is coming from.  Young love in many ways is stupid love --- wonderful in its innocence and also a bit combustible in that very same innocence. They are only doing what many of us did in our young adult stage and if we could make it through they will mature and make it through as well.

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Over 35 Mommies Rock!



Just this morning I was sitting on the floor with my 13 month old twin girls for about an hour wrapping and unwrapping a blanket around their heads so that they can be "shepherds."  They love it! I love it! This is one of many in the moment experiences that I have enjoyed with my girls. 

My first child is now 11 and while I had similar moments with him in my 20s -- as a new mommy they just didn't seem quite as "in the moment." I remember reading in my 20s all the articles and seeing all the talk show segments about the joys of being a mommy after 35 and thought much of it was simply women justifying their desire to wait to have kids, but the truth is that there is something sweeter about over 35 babies and here are a few of my reasons why:


I Know Time Moves Fast

Our first child was born eleven years ago and while we have a million pictures of his early years; a lot of it is hard for me to remember.  I enjoyed his firsts , but I did not savor them because I had a million other things to think about and also I knew some day we would have more children. 

My son's first years were filled with books and articles on stages and me racing around buying toys, books and videos that would push us to the next stage and hopefully have him surpass them. When I think of my son the time went so fast and I now know that there is nothing more important than the moment I am in now. I am in the moment with my kids today instead obsessing over what comes next.


My Waist Is Not My First Thought

In my 20s it was all about popping my son out and getting back to my original shape in one week.  I was dieting and working out as soon as I got the green light from my doctor. There was this huge pressure to be a mom, but not look like one.

In my 30s with my girls I took the time to really recover and appreciate all the extra help and support that my husband, son, doctor and family were able to offer. While I do want to lose the "twin mommy" body; I now know that it takes a while for your body to snap back after pregnancy and that while I want the best body I can have --- there is far more to being attractive, interesting and healthy then just what stares back at you in the mirror.

A hot mom is a happy mom and while you will catch me at the corner store looking crazy trying to grab a last minute pack of diapers. I know that I am more than able to kick the ponytail and sweats to the curb for heels and a sexy dress for a night out. I am both frump and hottie and I am okay with that -- that is my life. I am more comfortable in my skin today and I know that sex appeal is more of a reflection of how you feel about yourself and not a waist measurement.


I Am What I Wanted to Be

Getting back to work was paramount for me in my 20s. I felt that the two months that I was out I was losing ground and that being a new mommy was going to slow my growth. In my 30s I have done many of the things that I wanted to do. Also, I know that what is meant for me is meant for me and that taking a few weeks off to be with my new babies is not going to tank me. There is no big career/family struggle for me.  The decision is easy --- I choose my family.  I can find another job or opportunity. My family is not replaceable.


I Trust My Decisions

I was never really around babies growing up so my experience with my son in my 20s was really shocking for me.  I didn't know a lot of the basics of taking care of a baby and I really relied on books, articles and advice to get me through.  Even with a lot of info I still second guessed everything. 

When I went against traditional beliefs -- no pacifier and stopping breastfeeding because I found it more stressful than beneficial; I was sometimes close to tears having to defend my decisions regarding my son to others.  I thought I was doing my best , but I was never sure and very few people did much to affirm my choices.

Ten years later with my girls I almost dare anyone to question my choices regarding their care.  I know that I am able to decide for myself what is right and run with it. I have done enough in my life on my own at this age that I know and trust what I think is best.


My Team is the Best

Twenty year old LaDawn wanted to do it all on her own perfectly.  I didn't want or need any help from anyone.  People were waiting in the wings to babysit, bring supplies and simply be there when I needed support, but I wanted none of it.  Back then I felt taking the help meant that I was not a good mom and incapable of taking on the challenge.

Now in my 30s I know that taking help does not mean that I can't do it, but that there are people in my life that care enough to be part of my children's lives. I welcomed all the great surprise supply deliveries, arms willing to come by for a few hours to hold the babies and family that would take my calls and texts to talk about anything other than babies at all hours. I am still very type A when it comes to my kids, but in my 30s I can now take a step back and allow others to step in and give mom a bit of room to breathe.


I Can Give And Get

In my 30s I can strike a balance between taking care of my babies and taking care of me. I know now that taking a few hours to read gossip, get my beauty game up or simply lay in the bed is not going to hurt my children, but will go a long way in keeping mom sane. 

I give a lot to my kids all day long and I know that I can't give to them if I do not fill up for myself on occasion. Mommy is still a person. In my 20s it was all or nothing situation where I gave so much that I placed myself on the back burner to get it all done or to satisfy other's expectations.  Striking a balance is hard but it is necessary in order to keep everyone happy. I deserve to maintain my sense of self  outside of being a mom because life is fluid with many changes and it is important that I am able to grow and flow into my next stage.




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .


Saturday, September 1, 2012

I Am Not Your B*%ch!

The Love and Hip Hop Atlanta reunion was pretty much about nothing.  No new revelations and definitely no healing or resolutions for the characters.  However, the thing that kept agitating the mess out of me was a stage full of women calling one another bitches and even calling themselves bitches.  When did the word bitch become okay?  When did it become flattering?  When did it replace the words independent, smart, aggressive, opinionated and focused?  Do we realize how foolish we look as women to men when we do not even blink at being called a bitch?

Now I know there is this whole belief that words only have power if you give them power and that if we claim the word and run with it it no longer holds power over us. Um, no --- we have tried this for decades with the "N" word and I am sorry it has not taken away the sting, the meaning or the plain ignorant way we as black people look using it casually with one another.  Words have power and words have meaning and you cannot dumb something down that at its core is meant to make you feel less than.

So no thanks to the trend of women calling each other bitches in a spiteful way, loving way or in a playful way --- I am taking a pass on that one.  That is not a word that places a woman in a positive light and I am not giving anyone permission to feel that it is a word that you can easily apply to me.  You will just have to step your dictionary/ thesaurus game up!


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .






Bravo Morgan!


 
 
My guilty pleasure television show is definitely Single Ladies on VH1.  I didn't watch the first season because the mix of the bad acting from Stacey Dash and Lisa Raye would have made my head explode, but with Stacey gone and Denise Vasi on board (I think she is soooo a breath of fresh air) I am loving the show this year.  Personally, I feel it is much closer to the fun and fabulousness of Sex in the City than Girlfriends was and the show definitely seems to have a strong base on which to grow.
 
 
The biggest reason that I am loving the show this season is --- Cassandra Freeman as Morgan.  Finally, we have a show that dares to add a beautiful, sexy and intelligent brown sista with your typical light skin light eye TV babes and she more than holds her own.  Often on these shows, the brown girl is overweight, not quite as pretty or so hood that you can't see the pretty and it simply is not fair. Bravo to the Single Ladies team for recognizing black beauty in all its forms and giving us a beauty that is real -- that can give the other ladies some real hotness competition.  Black women come in many beautiful shades and Single Ladies is getting it right!!!!
 
 
ps - I am team Sean.  What was Keisha thinking?
 
 
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .
 


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Eric Benet in Trouble with a Redbone




Eric Benet has put out "Redbone Girl," a song that extols his love of light skin women with serial light skin love offender Lil Wayne adding a line or two. 


Many are offended that once again a black man has chosen to promote the beauty of a light skin black woman.  Granted, all of the naysayers filling up the comment sections of popular sites seem to have forgotten Benet's song and beautiful video "Chocolate Legs" a few years ago.  How can you write two songs praising the beauty of black women and only have one of them push buttons?


There was no light skin revolt to "Chocolate Legs."  We didn't feel that by Benet talking about the beauty of brown skin that all the men of the world would run and dump their light skin lovers in favor of a darker sister.  Why is "Redbone" such a hot button and "Chocolate Legs" such an afterthought? Aren't we pass the BS that was never really ours. An idea placed in us to keep us fighting and dividing instead partnering and conquering.


I get the history of light skin being valued and seen as beautiful and brown skin always fighting for its much deserved "beauty/ desirability" accolades, but give this brother a break because unlike other artists --- he gave equal time.  I just think we as a people need to stop giving the light skin/ dark skin thing so much power. 


We all know that we have our preferences and the same way some women only date tall men or some men only deal with women with pretty feet --- we should let a person's preference for a certain skin tone slide as well.  It is all in what turns you on.


Personally, I am more offended that he used the term Redbone.  Eric, you know I love you, but 1970 wants its word back.








LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Video Advice - Is His Jail Love Real?



A woman wants to know if all of the attention she is receiving from her man while he is locked up is real or is he playing a role?


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Video Advice: Surviving a No Sex Rule




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Monday, July 9, 2012

Video Advice: Wasting Time in Bad Love



LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Can He Really Be That Different with Someone New??



I read a recent blog post on a gossip site about singer K. Michelle's  allegations against Toya's current husband and K's former boyfriend/ business partner, Memphitz, on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. She clearly stated for the world that Memphitz was abusive and stole her money.  The blogger ended her post questioning whether or not a person can be that much different with someone else than they were with you.  She referenced that she (the blogger) knew both Memphitz and Toya socially and she didn't see any indications that he may be the horrible person that K. Michelle described.  Can you really be different based on the person that you are involved with at the time?


I think most definitely different people bring out different things in us.  A big part of love is chemistry and that personality mix.  The old saying speaks of having "someone that brings out the best in you" and I think that in a lot of small ways you can indeed be better with a different partner.  This is one of the big lessons Facebook snooping has taught us.  The loser, awful person that you eventually got away from is the same person now talking love, wedding rings, baby pics and romantic nights with someone new. It is entirely possible that we are not a perfect match for absolutely everyone that crosses our path.


However, I do also think we have core behaviors that if not fixed -- can be carried into every relationship that you are in.  I think if a person is a liar, cheat or abusive and they have proven to be this way with several relationships then more than likely those things will not change without some sort of outside intervention or deep drive to be different.  These heavy hitting issues if not addressed may bounce off or affect a new lover in a different way, but are often still present.  They may not cheat at the same rate with a new lover, they may exchange physical abuse for mental abuse or instead of stealing money directly they may just control career moves and indirectly control money flow.  I am a huge believer that people only do what we allow them to do to us and often that is why someone who was absolutely the "wrecker" of your life can move on to be the "hero" in another person's.


So in the end I will not say that the blogger is wrong in possibly questioning K. Michelle's accusations against Memphitz.  The truth is he may be completely different with Toya than he was with K. Michelle.  However, I will caution her to also keep in mind that people often hide the true nature of their relationships and that "public" love can sometimes differ from "private" reality and the only person that can say whether or not K. Michelle may be blowing up her past love for publicity is Toya because she really is the only one who knows who her man is today.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

My Night Gig! Sample of The Love Zone 92Q



Five nights a week I host the Baltimore/DC region's #1 late night radio relationship show -- The Love Zone on 92Q (92.3 FM). I have had so much fun doing the show and I am excited every night to see what type of naughty behavior we can can get into.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Love Survival Tips from Dr. Tartt from TVOne's Love Addiction




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Am Not A Basketball Wife!

basketball wives season 4 cast Basketball Wives Season 4 Cast Revealed

So much has been made of a lot of the reality shows that feature black women and how they make us seem angry, confrontational and classless.  Over the last few months shows have been boycotted, advertising dropped and all sorts of suits filed in an effort to get better portrayals of black women on TV.  While I get the huge upset over some of the activities on these shows; I have to be honest and say that as a black woman I don't really feel that these shows tell my story or greatly change the way people view black women. 


Unfortunately I have been battling all my adult life the stereotype of the angry, aggressive and disrespectful black woman and these shows in my opinion are not breaking us (black women) down, but are more so showing the "version" of the black woman that the world wants you to see and accept.  I think we are falling for the trick.  We are drinking the punch that the magazines, blogs and morning talk shows want you to drink up --- black women are a mess to deal with.


Here is my truth:


I can tell you that I have never thrown a drink on another woman, pulled her wig/weave, thrown a bottle or felt the need to cuss a woman out on any level in the streets and absolutely never ever over any man.  Also, I have never ever seen my friends demonstrate any of these behaviors.  Most of my friends are in pretty decent relationships with the fathers of their children and even if not currently with their child's father they have worked on developing a friendly/ civil relationship for the benefit of the kids.  I am around women that respect their men and love them and the guys give the same back. Their relationships and lives are not perfect, but instead of acting the fool at home or randomly popping off -- they have great families to advise them, supportive friends or they go and lay on a professional's couch if needed. My friends live in beautiful homes, vacation well, have designer things and still are able remain normal and humble about what they have been fortunate to work hard for and acquire.


What in the end I am trying to say is that I look at Basketball Wives, RHOA, Love & Hip Hop and other shows in this genre as entertainment.  Are there situations and women like this? Absolutely! However, the same way we looked at shows like The Cosby Show, The Parkers, A Different World and more in the past and knew that all black people didn't live and act this way; we shouldn't let the term "reality" make us think that a particular show defines all of us. 


I have been approached for "reality" shows to be in the "role" of a friend to people I never would ever in real life cross paths with.  Producers are on the hunt for the right mix of people and drama to lead to ratings success.  Reality shows are very rarely real. We have to be careful that we don't forget in criticizing these shows that they are simply entertainment options and not deep character studies or documentaries that provide factual data/info on black women's lives.


So while I am not a HUGE fan of some of these shows, I do catch them on occasion just to know what people are talking about, but for me I prefer the portrayals of black women on shows that are closer to who I am today: professional, educated, fun, sexy and happy with a focus on family.  You cannot take any form of entertainment too seriously and you certainly cannot take all entertainment as absolute fact.  A TV image cannot make or break my self-worth and frankly I am insulted that the media seems to think my sense of self as a black woman can be dictated and shaped by a cable network.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .


Monday, June 11, 2012

Tracey Edmonds -- I am a Fan!



The blogs have been filled with pictures of Tracey Edmonds with Deion Sanders at several family and charity events.  This is causing a few eyebrows to be raised because she was named in Deion's divorce as a possible factor by Deion's wife Pilar.  It would seem on the surface that Tracey has an extensive history of dating wealthy and influential men in order to gain exposure, but instead of hating on her like many of the blogs have been doing lately I actually applaud her for knowing what she wants and pursuing it.


I am probably one of the few women that will admit that I see nothing wrong with a woman pursuing a man who is wealthy or powerful for her own gain.  Personally, I think these relationships have a layer of honesty that most "normal" relationships lack.  Wealthy dude knows why you are there and chooses to accept it.  He rarely if ever is an unknowing victim in this situation.  The woman also is pretty clear in her reason for pursuing love and she has established that what she brings to the table --- her beauty -- comes at a high price.


The truth is, all relationships have some degree of "trade-off" where a person fills in those things in your life that you crave.  Money is one of those things that can be added to other more common "trade-offs" like a great job, benefits, a nice car, owning a home, smart, nice hair, good teeth, great family and more that people never admit to being the real reason why they are with a person.  We just seem to view beauty and money as the dirty trade-offs in love and that is crazy to me!


When entering into any relationship you have to be honest about why you are there.  Masking your real motives with "love" never ever works because at the first relationship bump in the road your true motivation is revealed.  If you don't believe me, bookmark any of the recent celebrity unions and then check back in five years and see how many of these "so in love" couples are now splitting and talking about the lack of support for the kids, lump sum payments, millions awarded or hidden assets. Even in "normal relationships" where there was so much love you will find couples getting ugly over houses, bank accounts, pensions, health insurance and more.  It is eventually revealed what was really valued in the union. You will be wondering --- what happened to the love?


I would rather two people be honest from the get go about their end game.  So if the Tracey Edmonds of the world want to only deal with wealthy and influential men, I see nothing wrong with it because the guys know this and they move forward anyway with the relationships.  Both sides see the other coming and and they know what lies ahead.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Love Time Machine ......

I was on facebook yesterday and a friend posted a status on "what would you go back and tell your 16 yr old self?"  I loved it! 


Often I ponder what I would have done then if I only knew the things I now know about life and of course love.  So of course I wanted to take a spin with a few things that I would go back and tell my teen self about love if I was given the opportunity:


  

There Is No "One"

So much is made of finding the one, but personally I don't think there is one great fit for any of us.  Life is fluid and I think if you are lucky early on you meet someone who is a match at that time in your life that is willing to grow and change with you over the years.  However, for most of us the "one" takes the form of the best one for that particular stage in life.  I believe that there are people that really are an ideal fit for you, but there is not just one --- forever.  That simply doesn't seem fair.



You Will Get Over It

Love can disappoint, hurt and end and you will with time move on.  Not that you forget that person totally or forget what you shared it is just that with time it won't affect you quite as much.  We are truly adaptive when it comes to love.



Enjoy the Experience

There are few things more pleasureful then the early days of a great love. Getting to know one another, discovering each other and simply just having fun are the things that can't be recreated in a long-term relationship.  Instead of worrying so much about where everything is headed --- just enjoy the journey.



Diversify

Date many different people and enjoy the sport of trying on new cultures, interests and backgrounds.  Don't just do what is expected -- do what excites and intrigues you.



Mom Sometimes is Right

If she doesn't like him, more than likely he is not the guy for you.  Accept that her years on the planet have taught her a bit about bad apples and sometimes take her advice.



Bask in Your Dad's Love

A girl needs her daddy and whenever possible she needs to work on building a relationship with dad that is her own.  Having a relationship with dad allows a woman to see herself through the eyes of a man who wants absolutely nothing from her but her happiness and it makes it far easier for her to see that same good heart in other men.



Pick a Partner Not Just a Lover

Know that love while it is passionate and pleasureful is also grounded in building a future.  It is great that he can do all sorts of craziness in the bedroom, but all the passion and tricks do very little for you when you are trying to pay bills, raise children, negotiate work/home balance and simply be happy on a daily basis.  Be passionate about a great partner!




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Nene May Know the Ex is the Best Option

I have been sick all Memorial Day weekend so I am finally coming out of my cough/pneumonia haze and what do I find dominating the blogs -- photos of Nene and Greg Leakes from RHOA at a charity event in the ATL.  It appears to me that we see this pair photographed together more after their divorce than they were when they were married. 




Now I don't know if they are dating, good friends or if it was a divorce of convenience (one rumor floating is that the divorce was to avoid Greg's business debt impacting Nene's new rich ways). What I do know is that this celeb couple reflects what a lot of people have found to be true -- that after breaking up and stepping back out into the dating game sometimes your best match is your ex. 




Here are a few reasons why it is not always a bad thing to try to work that old thing out:




You Already Know

You've probably heard the saying that says something like it is better to "deal with the devil you know..."  I think when it comes to the ex it is easier because you already know what you liked and what you disliked.  You've done the work already to discover things that can be worked on and things that just are what they are. The focus is less on getting to know and understand you and more on how can we both the get the best out of this situation.



Shared Circle

Many of your interests, friends, family and professional circles are already mixing.  People get you too as a couple and if things didn't end to dramatically more then likely your circle is your biggest cheerleader for working things out.  It is hard to introduce someone new to people who liked or maybe even loved your ex.  You'd be amazed how much what the circle thinks forces people to make major love decisions.



Lazy Love

This one is the ABSOLUTE truth ---- people are lazy when it comes to love!  We'd like to think people are putting in the work, research and grinding away every minute of the day to make love fresh, but the truth is love lives generally get the least amount of planning and attention.  This laziness makes the ex attractive because we jump the whole appearing perfect stage of dating and are able to reveal our true selves.  The ex gets that you don't shave your legs in the winter or that it takes a big glass of red wine for you to be sane in the evenings.  There is something attractive about a person who just seems to get you ---- easily.





LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .



Friday, May 25, 2012

Really Dude You Are a ......

Last night I was hosting a party and while I was getting my things and getting out of the car a guy rides up next to me in a beautiful convertible 6 series BMW.  The kind of car that you simply cannot miss.  I saw the car and did an internal "OOH" and continued on gathering my things to go into the party.  While I was finishing up, the guy opens and closes the convertible top on the car while talking loud on his cell phone about his "business deals."  He gives me a quick "hi" and I say hi back, but I keep it moving into the event that I am already running a bit late for.


While in the party the guy finds me and keeps saying "hi."  It is awkward because I have already said hi to him and I am wondering --- are you at a loss for words or is this really all the game that you have?  I have been married for a while now; so maybe I am not quite as patient with men when they are trying to get their game up.  I want to scream so bad "dude what is it that you want!?!?"


On my way out after the event I am talking to the security guard at the door about an intricate tattoo that he has on his arm.  My brother loves tattoos so whenever I see someone with some great ink I love to ask about where they got it done and why.  While talking to the security guard, BMW dude says "hi" yet again.  By now I have tired of him and  I just nod and keep on with my conversation about tattoos with security.


Why did I hear BMW guy say to his friend --- "she talking to security. Did she see what I pulled up in?"  Really dude!?!  Maybe for some women your ability to spread out the payments on an expensive car and push a button to raise and lower the top is enough to have them fawn over you, but I tend to be drawn to people that are interesting.  Dude was not interesting. He was a jerk.



Is having expensive things really enough to get a woman's attention? Are we losing the ability to really flirt because of social media and cell phones?


Thoughts???



LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Tameka Raymond I Feel Ya

Usher and Tameka Raymond's custody case is all over the blogs and everyone seems to want to talk about the outlandish  courtroom behavior and dating/ hook-up habits.  For me, however, the most interesting aspect of what has been leaked regarding the custody proceedings is the fact that Usher keeps referring to his ex as "Tameka Foster" when legally her name is still "Tameka Raymond."  It was so bad that the judge had to admonish him to call her by the right name and to stop wasting the court's time trying to make a point. 


Some of you may feel that a last name really isn't a big deal in a divorce; things like money, housing and kids take precedence. While those things are important I tend to think last name retention is tops too! My husband and I have discussed this issue a few times in our "what-if scenarios."  He feels of course that if we were ever not together that I should go back to my maiden name and I have told him that that will never happen.  My name is now my money and frankly I am what makes his last name fabulous :) I am siding with Tina Turner on this one. You can have everything else, but the name stays.



Here are a few reasons why women hold on to the marital name:



You've Established a Brand

Celebrity or not people know you personally and professionally by your married name.  Why should you have to re-brand yourself simply because one aspect of your life didn't work out?  Holding on to a last name can be simply a smart social/business decision.


Kid Connection

My aunt many years ago made a statement that as a child I thought was ridiculous, but now it makes a lot of sense.  Someone asked her after her recent divorce why she still was going by her married name and she simply said "it is my son's name."  As a kid I thought she was really sort of making a big deal out of nothing, but many years, a marriage and three kids later I see her point.  Changing your last name for some women is almost saying that I didn't exist and our marriage didn't matter.  There is a sort of "legitimacy" in keeping the last name because even years after the marriage is over it says: this wasn't a fling and my kids were planned for and wanted.


Fair Game

My life and history will forever be attached to you whether I like it or not.  Some women see the retention of the name as the ultimate "keeping it real" in that this is who they have become after all these years and to change the name would mean to try to fit back into a persona that they long ago gave up. Also, you can't run away from what is or in this case -- what was.  People will always on some level associate you with your ex and it is going to take a lot more than going back to your maiden name to move on from a relationship that has ended.



Agree or disagree? Let me know ........




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Yes She Can!

One of the things that I learned early on first with my son and now with my girls is that kids have the ability to be your biggest joy and also your biggest embarrassment.  It is universal as a parent you discover something new that your child can do and then you brag on it and when the child is called on to do it ---- they don't --- and you look crazy.


With my son it was the basics. "He can talk" and he wouldn't.  "Watch him dance" and he would promptly sit down and stare into space when the music came on. It was almost like he took joy in making us look foolish in front of friends and family because on several occasions as soon as his audience turned their backs or left the room he would "genius" up again.


Now having twins has kicked this dynamic up a few levels.  People are fascinated with what they are able to do. Do they have a secret language? Are they developing at the same rate? Where are they similar and what is different about them?  A few days ago I fell back into this trap because after ten years with no baby I simply forgot the great baby switch up.


I was out shopping and a lady stopped me telling me that she had twin adult daughters.  She said "are they really into just each other and no one else?" "No" I quickly retorted. In my nine months with my girls I have found that they are both friendly and engaging babies.  They soak up all the attention that being new babies and twins gets them. 


The lady feeling encouraged bends over the stroller where Ava my oldest (2 minutes) shuts her eyes tightly and turns her head to the side and my peanut Bella opens her eyes wide like one of those spooky old fashioned dolls and places her lips together and starts to spit.  I try to coo them into being friendly or at the very least to open their eyes and stop spitting and my efforts fail big time as my "friendly" babies give every indication that this stranger would be best suited to get out of their faces right now.


The woman backed up from the stroller and gave me the seasoned mom "you better fix that now face."  As she walked away, I glared into the stroller and Ava opened her eyes and smiled and Bella broke into a smile and cut off the sprinkler system.  They were happy babies again that had made their point --- we run this! They took advantage of my long infant mommy break and I fell into their trap. Yes, ladies you won that one, but trust your mom is back in the game now!



Alec (my 10 yr old) Quote of the Day:

He's been out sick from school for a few days.  At my wits end with how the cold medicine is doing absolutely nothing I decide to just disinfect everything: bedding, carpet and him.  Nothing like a warm shower to sometimes make you feel a bit better.

After the shower ......

Me: Do you feel better?

Alec: No, I feel clean tho.

The boy is honest :)





LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Is Change Possible?

Recently an NFL player with 10 kids by 8 different women was accused of cheating by his wife.  As I read the various news stories about the situation, one thing that most bloggers and commenters were saying is that she should have expected the cheat based on his
pre-marriage behavior that produced the many kids and baby mamas.  Is that fair? Can't a person change?

We tackled this question on my radio show last night. Most people felt that once a cheater always a cheater and that it is next to impossible for a person to change who they are.  Personally, I don't believe that that is true.  I think we have the power to change those things we choose to change.  The trick is that you can't make a person change and a person cannot change for you -- true change is self-driven.

So before you throw that well-travelled, cheating or questionable fish back, here are a few clues that they may actually be able to change:


They Fess Up

If a person is able to admit and discuss with you where they went wrong and they take full responsibility for their actions then they are on the path to making things right.


Know Their Triggers

They know what makes them behave badly and they try to avoid these places, people and situations.


Subtle Changes in Other Areas

There is an overall life renovation going on.  They seem to be connecting to their spirit, rededicating themselves to family or pursuing more positive endeavors.  Once a person realizes the power they have to change things, they often make moves to change other areas in their life where they feel things need to improve.



For more tips on how to tell if a cheater has changed. Check out my article for Match.com.




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality.  Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines.  For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com  .

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

My Stretchmarks Are Mad at Beyonce

People are still debating whether or not Beyonce actually gave birth to Blue Ivy.  Blue's birth has had so many stories that it is hard to really pin down what is true and what is hype machine. I thought the debate was over when Beyonce went to Tumblr and posted a few preggo pics, but people went in on those as staged and fake. 

After the Met Gala in NY a week ago the talk started again when Beyonce rocked a beautiful see through dress.  The chorus of "she did not carry that baby" was reignited.  It has been so bad that Beyonce's mom has even started to give interviews trying to convince the world that her daughter gave birth.  All I can say is --- Beyonce needs more people.

Now personally I don't care if she actually carried the baby or not.  Modern science has been a wonderful tool for allowing women who may have not been moms thirty years ago the chance to realize that dream.  Surrogacy is a wonderful way to experience your very own biological baby when adoption or no children at all may have been your only options. If Beyonce chose to use a surrogate, then more power to her. However, be real about it and tell us or make the ruse more believable by simply not saying anything at all.  


Here are four reasons why I think B may not be telling the truth: 


Pregnant Bellies Don't Fold

I have been pregnant twice and pregnant bellies move, stretch and bulge; they don't fold.  Early on in her pregnancy when she was on the talk show and she sat and her belly folded in half. I was baffled.  Pillows fold not babies.



Forget Your Flop-flops??

I was the queen of wearing heels while pregnant.  Even when pregnant with my twin girls I was rocking 5 inches for as long as I could.  However, any pregnant woman will tell you that around month number seven you get heavy no matter how much weight you have gained and you cannot see your feet.  Add to that the swelling and the idea of squeezing into a pair of heels not only becomes impossible in some cases, but also ridiculous.  For those lucky enough to wear heels up to the day the baby is born you see a heaviness and a carefulness to their walk (see recent pics of RHOA's Kim Zolciak).  B was light as air in her heels up to the day the birth was announced.  Why didn't we catch you in your flip-flops in any pics while pregnant?  There are tons of pics of you now carefully walking with Blue in flats around NYC --- was there no need for this caution a few months ago when you were expecting? 



Get Candid

You are one of the biggest celebs in the world and there were really no candid shots of you in the city walking around pregnant.  Just think of all the shots of Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys and the non-stop candids of Jessica Simpson.  These casual shots were pictures that looked like all pregnant women out there --- trying to get things done, trying to stay stylish and trying to make it to the end of this pregnancy.  You felt for them in a way we didn't really feel for B because she didn't have one shot that all of us pregnant girls have --- the "when is this going to be over because I am really big and tired" --- money shot.


You Are Trying to Convince Us Too Much

All the articles about losing weight and how joyful you were while pregnant are not convincing us.  If you carried your baby, then rest in your knowledge and stop trying to convince the public into believing it.  Take a clue from Nicole Kidman.  Her first pregnancy was deeply questioned because she showed up one week to an award show thin and a few days later sporting a gigantic belly.  People were questioning openly whether or not she was ever actually pregnant.  She chose to not discuss it and a few years later when baby two arrived literally out of nowhere nobody even cared to ask.  Sometimes the best way to answer your critics is to not answer them at all.


In the end, Blue is here and the true Beyonce fans are in love with her!  However, I did have to step up for the pregnant ladies out there and say that the critics may have a case.  The question of whether or not Beyonce was pregnant will be one of the questions that will go down in time like "was that Steve Harvey's hair" or "what is really under Neyo's hat?" We may never know, but it is fun to try to figure it all out.







LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality.  Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines.  For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com  .





 

Don't Do a Ray J in Love

Ray J has had a sorted run when it comes to love: sex tape, redemption, older woman love and now .... possible pariah.  Ray J was the last man in Whitney's life before she died. Apparently, there was some background drama at the Billboard Awards the other night when Whitney Houston's family wanted his seat moved away from them.  Ray J does not appear to be well liked by the Houston family.

This is not anything new.  All of us can look back and see instances where our pick in love was not necessarily the pick of our family.  I remember dating a guy and he was bold enough ask my parents "did they not like him?" My mom quickly interjected "No we do not" and left the room to go back to washing her dishes.   I tried for nearly two years to get them to see him the same way I did and they never did and the truth is that after nearly two years together and much drama I saw what my parents saw all along and I grew to not like him either.

So what do you do when your family clearly hates the person that you are seeing?? Keep these three things in mind:


Are They Telling the Truth?

You have to be mature and see if the things that the family is pointing out are true.  Love can sometimes cloud your judgement and your family can at times see your lover far more clearly than you.  If there are concrete reasons why your family is concerned, then maybe it is time to be receptive to what your family is saying and make some hard decisions.


Is Your Lover Trying to Get You Away from Your Family?

One clear sign of someone who may be up to no good is when they try to get you away from people who have always been in your corner.  This is a sign that the person wants to control you and they are aware that your family sees the real deal and they want you to be shielded from this reality. If you are alone then you are easy to manipulate and you only have the manipulator to rely on.

Be Honest About State of Love

In the end only the two people in the relationship know what is truly going on so you have to put on your big girl/guy pants and assess your love.  If the relationship is working for you and people are simply hating for their own personal reasons, then keep doing you.  However, if when you close your eyes at night you see some of the things that your family continues to point out to you and secretly you think they may have a point then don't run away from their disdain --- embrace it as a warning sign that things can get much worse and it is time to get out now!



LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Monday, May 21, 2012

A Bit About Me......

Oh  wow, where exactly do I start?  My name is LaDawn Black and for the last ten years I have been building a career as a relationship expert, author and media personality.  I have experienced things that many people have only dreamed of: signing with a major publisher, daily radio show in a great market, TV show and major magazine appearances and mixing and mingling with celebs.  However, the biggest accomplishment that I am most proud of is my marriage and my three incredible kids.  When I started out ten years ago, pros in the industry told me that I would never ever be able to manage a career in entertainment and maintain a family, but we are still here! Not that it is easy, but there is hope.

While my stories on the surface may appear very specific to my career and lifestyle; I think there is a bit of wisdom that we can all get from my mania.  The truth is being a mommy and trying to be a hot mommy is a universal --- how the heck do you do it?  Every day I hope to share with you a bit of my journey as a mom, wife and love guru, relationship tips and insights and my take on stories of the day so that we can all learn and grow together :) Let's see where this takes us ...........




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .