Can He Really Be That Different with Someone New??

I read a recent blog post on a gossip site about singer K. Michelle's  allegations against Toya's current husband and K's former boyfriend/ business partner, Memphitz, on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. She clearly stated for the world that Memphitz was abusive and stole her money.  The blogger ended her post questioning whether or not a person can be that much different with someone else than they were with you.  She referenced that she (the blogger) knew both Memphitz and Toya socially and she didn't see any indications that he may be the horrible person that K. Michelle described.  Can you really be different based on the person that you are involved with at the time?


I think most definitely different people bring out different things in us.  A big part of love is chemistry and that personality mix.  The old saying speaks of having "someone that brings out the best in you" and I think that in a lot of small ways you can indeed be better with a different partner.  This is one of the big lessons Facebook snooping has taught us.  The loser, awful person that you eventually got away from is the same person now talking love, wedding rings, baby pics and romantic nights with someone new. It is entirely possible that we are not a perfect match for absolutely everyone that crosses our path.


However, I do also think we have core behaviors that if not fixed -- can be carried into every relationship that you are in.  I think if a person is a liar, cheat or abusive and they have proven to be this way with several relationships then more than likely those things will not change without some sort of outside intervention or deep drive to be different.  These heavy hitting issues if not addressed may bounce off or affect a new lover in a different way, but are often still present.  They may not cheat at the same rate with a new lover, they may exchange physical abuse for mental abuse or instead of stealing money directly they may just control career moves and indirectly control money flow.  I am a huge believer that people only do what we allow them to do to us and often that is why someone who was absolutely the "wrecker" of your life can move on to be the "hero" in another person's.


So in the end I will not say that the blogger is wrong in possibly questioning K. Michelle's accusations against Memphitz.  The truth is he may be completely different with Toya than he was with K. Michelle.  However, I will caution her to also keep in mind that people often hide the true nature of their relationships and that "public" love can sometimes differ from "private" reality and the only person that can say whether or not K. Michelle may be blowing up her past love for publicity is Toya because she really is the only one who knows who her man is today.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .