Recently an NFL player with 10 kids by 8 different women was accused of cheating by his wife. As I read the various news stories about the situation, one thing that most bloggers and commenters were saying is that she should have expected the cheat based on his
pre-marriage behavior that produced the many kids and baby mamas. Is that fair? Can't a person change?
We tackled this question on my radio show last night. Most people felt that once a cheater always a cheater and that it is next to impossible for a person to change who they are. Personally, I don't believe that that is true. I think we have the power to change those things we choose to change. The trick is that you can't make a person change and a person cannot change for you -- true change is self-driven.
So before you throw that well-travelled, cheating or questionable fish back, here are a few clues that they may actually be able to change:
They Fess Up
If a person is able to admit and discuss with you where they went wrong and they take full responsibility for their actions then they are on the path to making things right.
Know Their Triggers
They know what makes them behave badly and they try to avoid these places, people and situations.
Subtle Changes in Other Areas
There is an overall life renovation going on. They seem to be connecting to their spirit, rededicating themselves to family or pursuing more positive endeavors. Once a person realizes the power they have to change things, they often make moves to change other areas in their life where they feel things need to improve.
For more tips on how to tell if a cheater has changed. Check out my article for Match.com.
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .
You are dead on for the most part. But we don't want to give people false hope into staying in a relationship that might not never change. But I have always said that all men have the potiental to cheat. The difference between a man that does and a man that doesn't. Is knowing what your limits are and avoiding those compromising situations.
ReplyDeleteKentucky:
DeleteThanks for commenting! You are right people need to keep thier eyes open to see if the change is real. There really is no purpose in staying in a bad situation if the other person is not "moving" on making things better.
Kentucky_Tone just as all men have the potential to cheat so does all women now with that said the story about the football player is ridiculous. My opinion is that all these stars whether movie stars football players etc. they know they are whores before they say I do so y get married just do u and when u r ready for marriage then thats when u do it y give up half of what u worked hard for. So for ur ? is once a cheater always a cheater the answer is yes.. Because if they do it once they will do it again especially if u take them back so kick they ass to the curb..
ReplyDeleteMr Opinionated --- love the direct answer. thanks for commenting!!!!
Delete