I Am Not A Basketball Wife!

So much has been made of a lot of the reality shows that feature black women and how they make us seem angry, confrontational and classless.  Over the last few months shows have been boycotted, advertising dropped and all sorts of suits filed in an effort to get better portrayals of black women on TV.  While I get the huge upset over some of the activities on these shows; I have to be honest and say that as a black woman I don't really feel that these shows tell my story or greatly change the way people view black women. 


Unfortunately I have been battling all my adult life the stereotype of the angry, aggressive and disrespectful black woman and these shows in my opinion are not breaking us (black women) down, but are more so showing the "version" of the black woman that the world wants you to see and accept.  I think we are falling for the trick.  We are drinking the punch that the magazines, blogs and morning talk shows want you to drink up --- black women are a mess to deal with.


Here is my truth:


I can tell you that I have never thrown a drink on another woman, pulled her wig/weave, thrown a bottle or felt the need to cuss a woman out on any level in the streets and absolutely never ever over any man.  Also, I have never ever seen my friends demonstrate any of these behaviors.  Most of my friends are in pretty decent relationships with the fathers of their children and even if not currently with their child's father they have worked on developing a friendly/ civil relationship for the benefit of the kids.  I am around women that respect their men and love them and the guys give the same back. Their relationships and lives are not perfect, but instead of acting the fool at home or randomly popping off -- they have great families to advise them, supportive friends or they go and lay on a professional's couch if needed. My friends live in beautiful homes, vacation well, have designer things and still are able remain normal and humble about what they have been fortunate to work hard for and acquire.


What in the end I am trying to say is that I look at Basketball Wives, RHOA, Love & Hip Hop and other shows in this genre as entertainment.  Are there situations and women like this? Absolutely! However, the same way we looked at shows like The Cosby Show, The Parkers, A Different World and more in the past and knew that all black people didn't live and act this way; we shouldn't let the term "reality" make us think that a particular show defines all of us. 


I have been approached for "reality" shows to be in the "role" of a friend to people I never would ever in real life cross paths with.  Producers are on the hunt for the right mix of people and drama to lead to ratings success.  Reality shows are very rarely real. We have to be careful that we don't forget in criticizing these shows that they are simply entertainment options and not deep character studies or documentaries that provide factual data/info on black women's lives.


So while I am not a HUGE fan of some of these shows, I do catch them on occasion just to know what people are talking about, but for me I prefer the portrayals of black women on shows that are closer to who I am today: professional, educated, fun, sexy and happy with a focus on family.  You cannot take any form of entertainment too seriously and you certainly cannot take all entertainment as absolute fact.  A TV image cannot make or break my self-worth and frankly I am insulted that the media seems to think my sense of self as a black woman can be dictated and shaped by a cable network.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .