Monday, October 8, 2012

Give Rihanna a Pass



Chris Brown wants that old thing back and Rihanna seems to be letting him in.  Chris has dumped his girlfriend and is no longer creeping to see and contact Rihanna.  They are partying and hanging out happily in public and the blogs have been on fire about it. 

Ever since Rihanna admitted to Oprah that no matter what violence may have occurred in their relationship that she still loved Chris; the world has been on her about the ridiculousness of wanting to be back with someone who hurt her.  Many want her to think of her young fans and the example she is setting -- that a man who hurts you is okay.  Rihanna isn't being the best role model in this situation, but what she is being is a typical young woman.

All of us have had tumultuous, crazy or ridiculous early relationships.  Your partner may not have hit you, but he/she may have lied continuously, been verbally abusive, unreliable or many other horrible things.  No matter what this person did you took them back because no matter the destruction that person handed out they were equally good at giving you moments of happiness that it felt at that time no other person could ever provide. 

It took time and maturity to get to the point where you saw that the bad stuff was taking its toll and it was time to move on, but you had to make that decision on your own when you were ready.  You may not admit it, but I can. I was dumb for love and I stayed in a bad thing much longer than I ever should have because when you are young and in love you always "believe" that you can be the one to make the situation change.

This guy I dated was the worst (drugs, momma's boy, couldn't keep a job etc.), but he was also crazy fun, the best at making up and the best at making me feel like no other.  He would cry or threaten to hurt himself when I broke things off and I was back in it. It didn't matter what my family or friends told me to do -- I only moved on after two years because he did something that was even too ridiculous for our ridiculous relationship (full story in my book Stripped Bare). I hit my drama wall and ended it for good. Not because people thought I should end it, but because I grew up and realized that it was never going to get better and I deserved more.

So let's give Rihanna pass.  She and Chris are both young and on some level they feel that they can work through these issues and still find a happy place.  Those of us that have made it over to other side know that the odds are against them working through this complicated love, but we get where that passion and draw is coming from.  Young love in many ways is stupid love --- wonderful in its innocence and also a bit combustible in that very same innocence. They are only doing what many of us did in our young adult stage and if we could make it through they will mature and make it through as well.

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

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