Tameka Raymond I Feel Ya

Usher and Tameka Raymond's custody case is all over the blogs and everyone seems to want to talk about the outlandish  courtroom behavior and dating/ hook-up habits.  For me, however, the most interesting aspect of what has been leaked regarding the custody proceedings is the fact that Usher keeps referring to his ex as "Tameka Foster" when legally her name is still "Tameka Raymond."  It was so bad that the judge had to admonish him to call her by the right name and to stop wasting the court's time trying to make a point. 


Some of you may feel that a last name really isn't a big deal in a divorce; things like money, housing and kids take precedence. While those things are important I tend to think last name retention is tops too! My husband and I have discussed this issue a few times in our "what-if scenarios."  He feels of course that if we were ever not together that I should go back to my maiden name and I have told him that that will never happen.  My name is now my money and frankly I am what makes his last name fabulous :) I am siding with Tina Turner on this one. You can have everything else, but the name stays.



Here are a few reasons why women hold on to the marital name:



You've Established a Brand

Celebrity or not people know you personally and professionally by your married name.  Why should you have to re-brand yourself simply because one aspect of your life didn't work out?  Holding on to a last name can be simply a smart social/business decision.


Kid Connection

My aunt many years ago made a statement that as a child I thought was ridiculous, but now it makes a lot of sense.  Someone asked her after her recent divorce why she still was going by her married name and she simply said "it is my son's name."  As a kid I thought she was really sort of making a big deal out of nothing, but many years, a marriage and three kids later I see her point.  Changing your last name for some women is almost saying that I didn't exist and our marriage didn't matter.  There is a sort of "legitimacy" in keeping the last name because even years after the marriage is over it says: this wasn't a fling and my kids were planned for and wanted.


Fair Game

My life and history will forever be attached to you whether I like it or not.  Some women see the retention of the name as the ultimate "keeping it real" in that this is who they have become after all these years and to change the name would mean to try to fit back into a persona that they long ago gave up. Also, you can't run away from what is or in this case -- what was.  People will always on some level associate you with your ex and it is going to take a lot more than going back to your maiden name to move on from a relationship that has ended.



Agree or disagree? Let me know ........




LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .