Just this morning I was sitting on the floor with my 13 month old twin girls for about an hour wrapping and unwrapping a blanket around their heads so that they can be "shepherds." They love it! I love it! This is one of many in the moment experiences that I have enjoyed with my girls.
My first child is now 11 and while I had similar moments with him in my 20s -- as a new mommy they just didn't seem quite as "in the moment." I remember reading in my 20s all the articles and seeing all the talk show segments about the joys of being a mommy after 35 and thought much of it was simply women justifying their desire to wait to have kids, but the truth is that there is something sweeter about over 35 babies and here are a few of my reasons why:
I Know Time Moves Fast
Our first child was born eleven years ago and while we have a million pictures of his early years; a lot of it is hard for me to remember. I enjoyed his firsts , but I did not savor them because I had a million other things to think about and also I knew some day we would have more children.
My son's first years were filled with books and articles on stages and me racing around buying toys, books and videos that would push us to the next stage and hopefully have him surpass them. When I think of my son the time went so fast and I now know that there is nothing more important than the moment I am in now. I am in the moment with my kids today instead obsessing over what comes next.
My Waist Is Not My First Thought
In my 20s it was all about popping my son out and getting back to my original shape in one week. I was dieting and working out as soon as I got the green light from my doctor. There was this huge pressure to be a mom, but not look like one.
In my 30s with my girls I took the time to really recover and appreciate all the extra help and support that my husband, son, doctor and family were able to offer. While I do want to lose the "twin mommy" body; I now know that it takes a while for your body to snap back after pregnancy and that while I want the best body I can have --- there is far more to being attractive, interesting and healthy then just what stares back at you in the mirror.
A hot mom is a happy mom and while you will catch me at the corner store looking crazy trying to grab a last minute pack of diapers. I know that I am more than able to kick the ponytail and sweats to the curb for heels and a sexy dress for a night out. I am both frump and hottie and I am okay with that -- that is my life. I am more comfortable in my skin today and I know that sex appeal is more of a reflection of how you feel about yourself and not a waist measurement.
I Am What I Wanted to Be
Getting back to work was paramount for me in my 20s. I felt that the two months that I was out I was losing ground and that being a new mommy was going to slow my growth. In my 30s I have done many of the things that I wanted to do. Also, I know that what is meant for me is meant for me and that taking a few weeks off to be with my new babies is not going to tank me. There is no big career/family struggle for me. The decision is easy --- I choose my family. I can find another job or opportunity. My family is not replaceable.
I Trust My Decisions
I was never really around babies growing up so my experience with my son in my 20s was really shocking for me. I didn't know a lot of the basics of taking care of a baby and I really relied on books, articles and advice to get me through. Even with a lot of info I still second guessed everything.
When I went against traditional beliefs -- no pacifier and stopping breastfeeding because I found it more stressful than beneficial; I was sometimes close to tears having to defend my decisions regarding my son to others. I thought I was doing my best , but I was never sure and very few people did much to affirm my choices.
Ten years later with my girls I almost dare anyone to question my choices regarding their care. I know that I am able to decide for myself what is right and run with it. I have done enough in my life on my own at this age that I know and trust what I think is best.
My Team is the Best
Twenty year old LaDawn wanted to do it all on her own perfectly. I didn't want or need any help from anyone. People were waiting in the wings to babysit, bring supplies and simply be there when I needed support, but I wanted none of it. Back then I felt taking the help meant that I was not a good mom and incapable of taking on the challenge.
Now in my 30s I know that taking help does not mean that I can't do it, but that there are people in my life that care enough to be part of my children's lives. I welcomed all the great surprise supply deliveries, arms willing to come by for a few hours to hold the babies and family that would take my calls and texts to talk about anything other than babies at all hours. I am still very type A when it comes to my kids, but in my 30s I can now take a step back and allow others to step in and give mom a bit of room to breathe.
I Can Give And Get
In my 30s I can strike a balance between taking care of my babies and taking care of me. I know now that taking a few hours to read gossip, get my beauty game up or simply lay in the bed is not going to hurt my children, but will go a long way in keeping mom sane.
I give a lot to my kids all day long and I know that I can't give to them if I do not fill up for myself on occasion. Mommy is still a person. In my 20s it was all or nothing situation where I gave so much that I placed myself on the back burner to get it all done or to satisfy other's expectations. Striking a balance is hard but it is necessary in order to keep everyone happy. I deserve to maintain my sense of self outside of being a mom because life is fluid with many changes and it is important that I am able to grow and flow into my next stage.
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .
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