I Am Not Your B*%ch!

The Love and Hip Hop Atlanta reunion was pretty much about nothing.  No new revelations and definitely no healing or resolutions for the characters.  However, the thing that kept agitating the mess out of me was a stage full of women calling one another bitches and even calling themselves bitches.  When did the word bitch become okay?  When did it become flattering?  When did it replace the words independent, smart, aggressive, opinionated and focused?  Do we realize how foolish we look as women to men when we do not even blink at being called a bitch?

Now I know there is this whole belief that words only have power if you give them power and that if we claim the word and run with it it no longer holds power over us. Um, no --- we have tried this for decades with the "N" word and I am sorry it has not taken away the sting, the meaning or the plain ignorant way we as black people look using it casually with one another.  Words have power and words have meaning and you cannot dumb something down that at its core is meant to make you feel less than.

So no thanks to the trend of women calling each other bitches in a spiteful way, loving way or in a playful way --- I am taking a pass on that one.  That is not a word that places a woman in a positive light and I am not giving anyone permission to feel that it is a word that you can easily apply to me.  You will just have to step your dictionary/ thesaurus game up!

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Bravo Morgan!

 

 

My guilty pleasure television show is definitely Single Ladies on VH1.  I didn't watch the first season because the mix of the bad acting from Stacey Dash and Lisa Raye would have made my head explode, but with Stacey gone and Denise Vasi on board (I think she is soooo a breath of fresh air) I am loving the show this year.  Personally, I feel it is much closer to the fun and fabulousness of Sex in the City than Girlfriends was and the show definitely seems to have a strong base on which to grow.

 

 

The biggest reason that I am loving the show this season is --- Cassandra Freeman as Morgan.  Finally, we have a show that dares to add a beautiful, sexy and intelligent brown sista with your typical light skin light eye TV babes and she more than holds her own.  Often on these shows, the brown girl is overweight, not quite as pretty or so hood that you can't see the pretty and it simply is not fair. Bravo to the Single Ladies team for recognizing black beauty in all its forms and giving us a beauty that is real -- that can give the other ladies some real hotness competition.  Black women come in many beautiful shades and Single Ladies is getting it right!!!!

 

 

ps - I am team Sean.  What was Keisha thinking?

 

 

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

 



Eric Benet in Trouble with a Redbone

Eric Benet has put out "Redbone Girl," a song that extols his love of light skin women with serial light skin love offender Lil Wayne adding a line or two. 


Many are offended that once again a black man has chosen to promote the beauty of a light skin black woman.  Granted, all of the naysayers filling up the comment sections of popular sites seem to have forgotten Benet's song and beautiful video "Chocolate Legs" a few years ago.  How can you write two songs praising the beauty of black women and only have one of them push buttons?


There was no light skin revolt to "Chocolate Legs."  We didn't feel that by Benet talking about the beauty of brown skin that all the men of the world would run and dump their light skin lovers in favor of a darker sister.  Why is "Redbone" such a hot button and "Chocolate Legs" such an afterthought? Aren't we pass the BS that was never really ours. An idea placed in us to keep us fighting and dividing instead partnering and conquering.


I get the history of light skin being valued and seen as beautiful and brown skin always fighting for its much deserved "beauty/ desirability" accolades, but give this brother a break because unlike other artists --- he gave equal time.  I just think we as a people need to stop giving the light skin/ dark skin thing so much power. 


We all know that we have our preferences and the same way some women only date tall men or some men only deal with women with pretty feet --- we should let a person's preference for a certain skin tone slide as well.  It is all in what turns you on.


Personally, I am more offended that he used the term Redbone.  Eric, you know I love you, but 1970 wants its word back.








LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Video Advice - Is His Jail Love Real?

A woman wants to know if all of the attention she is receiving from her man while he is locked up is real or is he playing a role?


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Video Advice: Surviving a No Sex Rule

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Video Advice: Wasting Time in Bad Love

LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .

Can He Really Be That Different with Someone New??

I read a recent blog post on a gossip site about singer K. Michelle's  allegations against Toya's current husband and K's former boyfriend/ business partner, Memphitz, on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. She clearly stated for the world that Memphitz was abusive and stole her money.  The blogger ended her post questioning whether or not a person can be that much different with someone else than they were with you.  She referenced that she (the blogger) knew both Memphitz and Toya socially and she didn't see any indications that he may be the horrible person that K. Michelle described.  Can you really be different based on the person that you are involved with at the time?


I think most definitely different people bring out different things in us.  A big part of love is chemistry and that personality mix.  The old saying speaks of having "someone that brings out the best in you" and I think that in a lot of small ways you can indeed be better with a different partner.  This is one of the big lessons Facebook snooping has taught us.  The loser, awful person that you eventually got away from is the same person now talking love, wedding rings, baby pics and romantic nights with someone new. It is entirely possible that we are not a perfect match for absolutely everyone that crosses our path.


However, I do also think we have core behaviors that if not fixed -- can be carried into every relationship that you are in.  I think if a person is a liar, cheat or abusive and they have proven to be this way with several relationships then more than likely those things will not change without some sort of outside intervention or deep drive to be different.  These heavy hitting issues if not addressed may bounce off or affect a new lover in a different way, but are often still present.  They may not cheat at the same rate with a new lover, they may exchange physical abuse for mental abuse or instead of stealing money directly they may just control career moves and indirectly control money flow.  I am a huge believer that people only do what we allow them to do to us and often that is why someone who was absolutely the "wrecker" of your life can move on to be the "hero" in another person's.


So in the end I will not say that the blogger is wrong in possibly questioning K. Michelle's accusations against Memphitz.  The truth is he may be completely different with Toya than he was with K. Michelle.  However, I will caution her to also keep in mind that people often hide the true nature of their relationships and that "public" love can sometimes differ from "private" reality and the only person that can say whether or not K. Michelle may be blowing up her past love for publicity is Toya because she really is the only one who knows who her man is today.


LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, author and media personality. Cocoa Mommalicious is her forum for sharing tales from the mommy lines, love lines and life lines. For more information visit www.ladawnblack.com .